Oh my gosh, Mel

Mel was the greatest and most inspirational acting teacher. He helped me discover things in my performance that changed everything. Things like being rather than acting; the character is me living through her situation, and conversational reality. I loved him so dearly; he was so brilliant. And now he is gone. I knew it would happen, but I kept avoiding contacting him. I don’t know why. It was like I was afraid of the parting. I wish I had contacted him to talk to him one more time; that would have been wonderful.

Mel told me I should write. He said, “You’re too bright not to write.” I seem to remember J Ranelli, chairman of the theatre department at URI, also told me I should write. He was commenting on a little monologue I had written for this play we were sort of putting together in class. He was praising the monologue I had written, and was suggesting that I should write more. So I think I will.

I haven’t done any writing since. I’m still groaning over Mel’s demise. I can’t get the courage to call his number and speak to Joni.

My little girl

I miss Sally so much…my little girl. I have lost my partner of so many years, at least 16 years, just like Harry. When I lost Harry, I still had Sally; now I feel real emptiness, with only the cats, Dory and Nemo. They are a comfort, though, thank goodness. I feel like I was more of a mother with Sally. She exhibited neediness toward me, and she was just such a sweet little girl. I remember soon after I got her, she hurt her paw at the dog park. It was a minor hurt; I believe she was more scared than anything else, and she yelped and came running toward me, seeking comfort. I ascertained that she hadn’t really hurt her paw and hugged her and comforted her. It gave me such a wonderful feeling to have her place her trust in me and look to me for safety and security.

After my trip to Rhode Island this summer, we had such a joyful reunion, hugging and kissing. But she started to go downhill quickly after that. In the following weeks, she got thinner and thinner, and finally stopped eating and drinking all together. I tried to revive her with fluids and meds from the vet, but I was forcing the meds down her throat and she just got so much worse that I called the vet and went in that same day, Sunday, September 24. It was very hard but they were very comforting and helpful. They easily sold me on the most expensive choices. I have her ashes now and a paw print; I felt I would regret not getting them.

Harry and love

When I first met Harry, he jumped into my lap and put his head on my chest. Well, that was it; he was my dog. He was my first dog. Soon after, I became aware of the fact that I loved him so much it was scary. This is what I was scared of - the heartache of losing him. And it is a heartache, wrapped around and tugging deep in my chest. That's what is scary about love. It wraps around you, gets deep inside you, and becomes a part of you. It allows you to feel great joy and warmth, but also great pain at loss. But the bottom line is, it is definitely worth the pain. I love you all, my family and friends.

Being in water

I love these precious days when I have the pool all to myself at twilight time. The water is the perfect temperature and the sky and water look great, including after the lights come on. I don't know why more people don't enjoy swimming; I don't spend all my time doing the standard strokes, I just move around however I like, channeling Esther Williams. Being in the water is like flying, you are weightless and you can move without effort. The lack of effort makes it not the best exercise, but it's a little exercise, and it is as much fun as dancing in midair. I'm going to hold on to that belief, because I don't believe I'll ever get a chance to do the latter. (I'm one of those people who rarely succeed on the first try, so skydiving is not for me.)

The Day After The Election

The Arizona midterm elections were a disaster for Democrats and other intelligent thinking humans...